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| Every time I pass by that FOR SALE sign in front of my house I
imagine myself tearing it out of the grass and burning it. There are so
many memories built into these walls and wooden floors.
“People move all the time,” he said.
“The average American family moves every 4 years,” he said.
“We aren’t going anywhere far,” he said.
But it isn’t about moving.
20 years here and we’re selling my house home.
How am I supposed to feel?
Denial has wrapped itself around me, but reality still somehow manages to make its way through the cracks. I just want somebody, anybody to humor me and tell me this isn't happening.
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| So there’s a cute guy that works at Juicy, a couple stores down from
where I work. He comes by on his breaks every once in a while and makes
for interesting conversation during long shifts. Today he walked in
right as we were about to close and this humiliating grin spread across
my face as soon as I noticed who it was. Christina and I glanced at
each other and broke out into laughter and despite my attempts at
making normal conversation, I couldn’t stop smiling. As I was making
his Americano and trying to keep my cool I noticed my hands shaking a
little and could feel my ears turning red. It turns out he had come in
because my coworker who had been taking a smoke break when he walked by
had told him to “do him a favor” and go in and order something because
“the girls inside think you’re cute.” Imagine our embarrassment when we
found out!
I gotta admit though, it’s moments like these that make work fun.
I’m going to miss having Christina around to keep me company when my
feet hurt and I’m sick of packing chocolate boxes.
And tonight made me realize how long it’s been since the last time I’ve felt butterflies and had a little nothing crush. | | |
| The air at PCC is dank with smoke. I have nothing against
cigarettes, but I feel like so many people at PCC just do it because
they can—like an act of rebellion or reassurance that yes, they are
indeed out of high school.
I haven’t met anybody new yet, but I’m beginning to build
friendships with old acquaintances and I already have a couple notches
on my belt of embarrassing moments. I like most of my teachers and the
material I’m learning is interesting for the most part. I’m excited to
be learning again, but scared the novelty of being in college will
soon wear off and I’ll be left with just this nagging fear of getting
stuck here.
The days go by so slowly, but I’m trying my best to savor each moment I have in a classroom. | | |
| I'm back. I really do love this thing. I've started tumblr-ing, but I figure I might as well pick up where I last left off here. Since then I've graduated, summer's come and gone, and so many things have changed.
Today was my first day of college.
I’m unsure how I should feel so for now I’ll just settle with how I do feel.
I feel like I want to freeze time but move forward to the day I get
my license and when the leaves start to golden. At the same time I feel
like summer passed by way too quickly, but it still hasn’t hit me that
I’m starting school already. And I feel like things are changing and
I’m trying my best to keep up, but I’m scared I’m growing up too fast.
Surreal is the best way to put it. The longest and shortest day of
my life thus far. It didn’t quite feel like the first day of
college—more an awkward extension of high school. I’m sure I’ll get
used to it soon enough. But for now, I’m just glad there are a few
familiar faces around to test the waters with me. | | |
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